Without Remorse: New Success Factors for Evil Science Careers Revealed

Young evil scientists have always espoused a philosophy of "more fun, less worries." Now, a recently published survey offers support to that view. A team of sociologists at the Enterprising Villains' Institute of Lawlessness has released a report detailing the striking interconnections between an evil scientist's career success and their level of disdain for social responsibility. "It's somewhat similar to those housewives that run overperforming stock funds without deeper knowledge of economics," explains Allan Strangethought, principal investigator for the study. "The one who cares less will take quicker and more radical actions."

You still have doubts? "Bad conscience is for losers only," agrees Heinous Bold, director of the world-famous Bad-Guys Institute. "We all know the classic tragedy of Dr. Faust: With fewer doubts he could have ruled the world, and scientists constantly have to make serious decisions. Concerns and lengthy moral considerations hinder this process and thus block the progress of evil thoughts."

Many budding villains agree. "Much too often the native hue of resolution is sicklied over with the pale cast of thought," says a PoD (Prince of Denmark) student from Elsinore. And they often find that dispensing with conscience can be profitable. "I wasn't even aware of the huge financial potential when I first started selling completely fictive sets of experimental data," a young entrepreneur who prefers to stay anonymous tells Next Wave. "I expect the number of our customers will soon grow exponentially."

Although many young scientists dream of ruling the world alone, this is sometimes impractical. Advanced outrages like mass destruction (MD) or global climate manipulation (GCM) usually require the coordinated effort of several evil scientists. So if world domination is among your career goals, you have to network. Consult experts in your field, attend conferences, and join the appropriate societies. Your efforts are sure to be rewarded. "What harm creates a devils' horde compared to a lone werewolf? Since we plot teamwise, we really make nightmares come true," romanticizes Shameless Seamus Blowup of the Evil Scientist Association (E.S.A.). Joining the E.S.A is easy: Besides a sufficiently dark soul, of course, one must merely sign the following oath: "I will not, knowingly, carry out research that is to the benefit of mankind. I swear to attempt to conquer the world by every possible or impossible means."

According to senior evil scientists, all the hard work pays off. "Being truly evil is not just great fun, it became the key to my highly rewarding career," remembers Frankenstein. So don't hesitate, just try it yourself. For risks and side effects ask your career adviser after April 1st.

Happy April Fool's!!

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