How Mad Scientists Evolve

Mad scientists are both born and made. Ambitious young scientists hoping to pursue benevolent careers could learn a thing or two about mad science from diabolical mentors: Just ask Frederick von Frankenstein (pronounced Fronk-en-STEEN). Trained to view the human body as an exquisite machine, the young grandson of the legendary flesh reanimator Victor von Frankenstein (pronounced FRANK-en-Stine) recently learned the importance of putting a human face on the corpus scientificus. And a quality brain inside.

Before Gerhard Falkstein arrived in the rather brilliant surgeon's classroom one stormy afternoon carrying Beaufort von Frankenstein's last will and testament, Dr. Frankenstein considered himself nothing more than "an accidental relation to the family coo-coo."

That all changed when, accompanied by his able-bodied assistants Inga and Igor (pronounced eye-gore, and despite the striking resemblance, he is no relation to al-gore), the youngest Frankenstein followed a mysterious violin melody into the bowels of the Frankenstein castle. There, in a small back room, he discovered his grandfather's secret lab notebook, aptly titled "How I Did It." Working his family magic on a 2.3-meter-tall, 142-centimeter-wide, tender-hearted gorilla of a dead man, Frederick succeeded in giving his creation life.

The thankless monster promptly escaped.

Residents of a nearby village were not amused to see the body of a recently deceased murderer staggering through their town under the control of Abby Normal's brain. "Scientists say they are working for us, but what they really want is to rule the world!" said an anonymous villager. His neighbors agreed and a mob set out to the castle to kill the monster.

But Dr. Frankenstein disagreed. To show his commitment to the benevolent uses of genetic engineering, he donated part of his own brain to rehabilitate the monster. The transference was completed just as the murderous villagers arrived, saving both the doctor and his monster.

"I live because this poor, half-crazed genius cared," says the surprisingly articulate monster.

And what did Frederick get in return? A generous portion of the sweet mystery of life.

Happy April Fool's!!

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