How to Be Loved and Evil at the Same Time: A Story of Two Scientists

Bob Lay was studying food science at the University of North-by-Northwestern when one day, he and his roommate, Ricardo Frito, were kicked out. "It all had to do with a mischievous prank involving two giant oil drums, 500 donuts, a model rocket, and the dean's office. It was all in good fun, though," explained classmate Rob Roberts. The bitterness that ensued due to being kicked out of school launched the career of not one but two evil scientists: Although Ricardo Frito was technically in business school at the time, he was majoring in management science and always considered himself an evil scientist--not an evil entrepreneur.

The two roommates (Lay and Frito) hatched their plan slowly, over the course of several months. "The key was to create a substance innocuous enough to infiltrate society on a fundamental level, while at the same time completely and utterly destroying modern society--especially the university setting," explained a PR person representing the estate of Lay. The result of the duo's many months of research and design was the product we now know of as the potato chip.

"Since its invention, the potato chip has been directly responsible for the disintegration of the nuclear family, the destruction of hundreds of thousands of library books, tens of thousands of heart attacks, and 1200 car accidents--not to mention the destruction of the ozone layer and the pollution of the world's oceans," explained Sven Stoortsted, potato chip historian. "They disrupt my classrooms with their incessant 'crunch' and give me really bad acne, too," he continued, while chomping on a ketchup-flavored chip, which he claimed was his favorite. The plot is so evil that even its critics are addicts!

Of course, one cannot become an evil scientist based on only one act: Lay and Frito continued their world disruption scheme with an even more evil, more innocuous product: the Cheezie. "The key here was to create a product with all of the nasty and evil elements of our original product, but to add to it an impossible-to-remove dye," explained Frito in his book Memoirs of an Evil Management Scientist. Current estimates predict that over 300 Ph.D. theses have been rejected due to unexplainable and unsightly orange fingerprint stains.

When recently asked about his future evil plans, Mr. Lay Jr. said, "It's hard to be bitter and evil anymore. After all, who needs world domination when you've got all this cash?"

Happy April Fool's!!

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